2017

With this post, I'm here to welcome 2017.

However, I would really love to look through 2016 in this post.

The early of the year, I was preparing for my final exam of my second last semester of Bachelor Degree. It was tough as you need to do your Final Year Project at the same time focusing in studies. Then, we have a 'summer' break. It last for 4 months without study. I would really love to take it as a break but my mind loaded with FYP. During that period, I gone through a lot of thing. My heart is not there for study anymore. I got addicted to something that is not good and I can't stop it. I went to Taiwan in between. My FYP have been tangle here and there all the while until I'm back to college in May. Step by step completing it and manage to survive. Even won Gold Award in ProDEx. This all definitely have to thanks Jian Hau being my partner helping me out. He was way far ahead of me all the time. After all, I'm losing my identity and direction. Everything gone so fast in three months time as we prepare for our last final exam. All well end well I could say.

September was the month that we started to get our freedom. We unofficially graduate. It also mean that everyone will go apart. Only fate and time will bring us back for a short amount of time. All I could wish is everyone being healthy and safe. I was hoping for a large group of people (the best is the whole class) to travel together but we no longer than strong in our bond. At least, 7 of us went to Ho Chi Minh in Vietnam for 6 days. That's also the last time I meet most of them. My rental is till end of Oct so I could stay in KL and travel around meanwhile getting the access to condo pool. Nov and Dec mostly stayed at home. However, I went out every weekend. From morning till night, just for that something I got addicted. There are times I feel bad but my life have been synonyms to those. I could not give up on my addiction. This all started back in mid of 2015 when I discover the possibility. I tried and tried and tried, hoping for better outcome. There are always risks. There was one time, during Christmas's eve, that I almost end up destroying my future due to the risk. The reason behind these addiction is because i'm losing. I'm losing myself, direction, content, happiness,.. All these while, it just sorrow, loneliness, pain,... I wanted to give up in life so many times, the only thing that bring me go on is the hope, the hope to have my very own kid.  I always got jealous when someone at my age have son or daughter. I'm not the father material but I wanted to have the chance to have kid. Because I scare I would die young. So, I wish I could have a child at the very least before I die. However, I had never been to a date nor having a girlfriend. It going to take a very long time before I could have my very own family.

Two things I quote for 2016 which link to me pretty much.
When the past haunt your presence, your future is at risk.
Hesitate and you will die.

I'm no longer the same old How in the very beginning in this blog. But I'm still a human. Human have desire. The thirst for fulfilling what he wants. Even if it risky. I lose too much in 2016. I wish 2017 will be good to me even though part of me was hoping it to stop, the other part say that it was something that I need in order for my heart continue pumping.

2017 will be another lonely year, as my Master start, having my own office with no colleague or friends around me. Staying alone in my hostel. Going out alone, eating alone, playing alone, talking to myself. I just wish, there is someone appear right in front of me, saying that she want to be with me, ignoring my flaw and by my side all the time. I don't want to be single anymore. But I can't simply just date someone as there is a reason behind (due to my addiction).