My education story.

During my childhood, my family always compare my cousin with me. My cousin have excellent result and I sometimes fail. All I good is only in Maths. I always struggle with my English and Malay. I don't even know how to speak English in first four years of primary. Even my spelling and ejaan quiz/test, I got 1 out of 20 correct. In Standard 5, I met Mr. Chong, my most favourite Maths teacher who coming from the secondary school before he retired. He taught me to be hardworking. To be independent. I have two sisters. When I have questions to ask them, they never help and they said the don't understand it. All the times, I tried my best. My mum always blame me being stupid than my cousin. She force me to study. Until she give up in asking me to study. Like I totally hopeless. All day long, I just stuck with my games from Nintendo Game Boy Color. My mum will try to hide all my games and stuff and force me study. But not until Mr. Chong appear. I start to read up some of the books and so on. Then, during Standard 6, I join a well-known tuition centre, Pusat Tuisyen Delta & Johan. The students there was way clever than me. I felt like I'm really useless. There was a girl, named Pei Nee. I like her at first glance. But I never suit up to a pretty and clever girl like her when I so stupid. I start study, more and more. I end up getting 3 A's, 1B 1C in UPSR. I was so happy, but all the people surround me get 5A and 7A instead. Even my cousin. I being compared again. Life never be easy on me. But my mum no longer so worried about my result.

In secondary, i start to listen the class. Be more hardworking. When tuition at night, never skip school if possible. I get 4A's 3B's in PMR! Big improvement, no C but B for BM. There are still many people get 7A and 9A in my tuition. Now, I win my cousin, but my mum still talking about her friend's son who get all A's. I be more hardworking in Form 4 and Form 5, taking Account as she ask for it. Tuition up to 8 subjects each week plus school and co-cu activities (Librarian, Chinese Society, Photography Club, Nature Society). I never felt tired, instead I felt like I doing great. My trial get 10A's!! I even fail my history in the beginning but A- for it in trial. I felt so happy for the first time. I got praised. But due to the tough Bio Paper 3, I got 9A's 1B for SPM. I felt a bit regret but people start praising me, not all, just some. For me, there are 100 to 200 over students in my tuition score better than me, there must be room for improvement. 

Now I joined the college, i just study without knowing what will happen, I GET 3.95 for my first semester, people start praising, all my classmate was praising, this feeling never felt so good before. The second semester, I manage to get 3.95 as well, I was hoping someone praising me again, but in turn, people start saying I being cocky. I never felt so sad and I started to say back, using a little bit harsh way. As time goes on, the desired to maintain my result getting higher as I was hoping more people could praise me but it seem to be wrong. People hate me being serious, being so hot-tempered when something undone, being too kiasu, being too perfectionist. I felt so pathetic at my self at one point but I really scare to lost what I have found after so long. 

Old saying, the higher you climb to the top of the mountain, the more you scare you will fall down. 

I dont blame anyone being hate me in some point but I felt hurt being blame. 

There are also other factors behind why I hope to get high result like scholarship, PTPTN first class honour, my family financial problem and so on. What more, I thrown away all my games, and this happen. There are more thing to be told but I dont think I want to write it down now. 

There are no people I can share all this thought, I always have one friend, be my side, that one friend, is not a living, it was my secret that make me still standing out there in the field. But that friend cannot stay with me forever, because I will grow up and that friend might disappear one day from my sight. I scare that's also the day I disappear from the world.