Blank

2019 is a tough year. 

I lost a lot of thing. 

I told my parents everything hoping to get some helps.

It's the same.

The same as I talked to my friend.

I'm tired.

I won't tell anyone anymore.

I'm tired.

Master degree. 

Average time of study is 2 years.

Most people did it.

I start in January of 2017. 

Three and a half years. 

I passed my viva examination but with minor correction on dissertation.

Every time I touch this subject, I fell into depression. 

Some of the times, I tried to do as long as I can.

Most of the times, I stopped doing and lied onto my bed crying and fall asleep.

No body knows this as I did it behind locked door.

I been trying to do the correction for 25 days straight, I done only 10%.

I did not dare to find jobs. 

I no longer have any money in my bank.

Those hard earned money from my part-time, my allowance from research assistance, my PTPTN that waived and all my saving since childhood are all gone. ALL GONE.

I did not spent all of them but things happened.

I'm tired. 

I want to talk to people about my problem but I trust no one.

Not my family, not my friend, no one.

After all, I talked to my family, closest friend, best cousin and even counselling.

No one is really helping.

I know it is my problem and I have to settle it myself.

I just lonely and sad. 

I can't do it when I feel so.

Blank. My mind went blank every time I try to do things related to my Master Degree.

It not Master Degree problem, it's me. 

I cannot bring myself to motivate, to focus, to do.

I just want to end it but it never ending. 

I want to end it without doing it. 

I know no one will read this so I just write it here. 

But if you ever read it, may be a knock on my chat or whatever.

I kinda wish to talk to someone.

After all, I'm lonely.

I'm glad I still have a place for me to let it out. 

It really building up a lot in me now. right now.

I really wish I build more courage to tell my supervisors I really tired of doing it. 

Although it just left a bit, I way too exhausting mentally that I could possibly go further. 

I wish my next post can be something not so depressing.

I wish I still alive. In and out.

.--. .-.. . .- ... . / ... .- ...- . / -- . .-.-.-